Am I Ready For That?

I don't believe that life should be run on emotion. I don't believe that human emotion is always the thing that needs to guide. I do know, however, that my life has been about smashing emotion and letting logic run it's race. I have walls. I have boundaries just like the next person. I wonder when and how those walls are meant to be broken though. I have fears and hurts but I guess I just tend to leave that between God and I. It took a long time for me to hand them over to Him and so for me to hand that over to a human who I know will drop those things every once in a while is quite a bit harder. Giving it to a perfect God who has never screwed me over is one thing, faulty humans is another. I trust people. I often trust people until they burn me and still don't distrust them. The difference for me is that I trust them with info about me but I've never even thought about trusting people with my emotions. I guess that has something to do with the fact that emotions are messy and can't be put in a box with a bow. I wouldn't know how to trust someone with a sticky mess. I have found that when trying to explain my emotions to people that I don't even know what I'm saying because I usually go callous to them that I don't even know what is going on. My mentor is pretty good at drawing my emotions out and getting me to think about them. I trust her with that though so it is different. If I actually felt all of life I think it would be too much. I follow a doctor's blog and I often wonder how she does her job because of all the emotions that go through me as I read her blog. I would have to go even more callous to do her job. The world is a sad, messed up place and my heart isn't ready to feel the weight of it yet. People are broken and I know I need to be in it with them to help them, but sometimes staying behind my walls seems easy. Life is happy when I don't have to feel. At least it isn't painful. I have seen God work in messes in ways He doesn't work in happy situations and that encourages me. I just wonder what it would be like to feel a bit more and hide a bit less. I read a word in my communications textbook that meant to be afraid of communication and to avoid it when possible, I wonder if they have a word for being afraid of emotions and avoiding them. I am glad that the people around me push me to be more vulnerable though. I am so grateful for the body of Christ. I am not sure how much growing would happen without them....hm....emotions are difficult