A One Week Trial

Written on 8-3-11

I got asked to be an overnight care given for an elderly woman and sleep over there five nights a week. This was kind of a huge deal and felt like I just wanted to say no and not deal with it. I decided to think about it because it would be a huge huge blessing to pay for school. I worried about the sacrifices and the costs of taking the job. I weighed my options and since it was offered as a "try it and see what you think" job, I took it. I felt very out of my comfort zone in doing so but I decided that I needed to stretch myself and it couldn't hurt to try it. If I needed to back out I would. Though, if you know me, I don't like to back out of things. I started and it was pretty easy but a little worrysome because I didn't know how to handle any weird situations. Anyway the first two days went by fine without complications but my worry was sleep. I found myself sleeping so lightly to hear her if she woke up that I barely slept at all. I was waking up about ten times a night. I would give myself ten hours to sleep but probablly slept only half of that. Things got complicated as I learned that old people get disoriented at night and she made phone calls to random people at 2am because she could have sworn they were calling her. I have spent a lot of time wondering what I thought of the job and how well I thought I could handle it. I found myself realizing the sacrifices hit home more once you sacrifice them then when you just weigh them out in your head. I was told two days ago that they decided to put the woman in professional care because doing it at the woman's home was too much. I wasn't sure whether to be relieved or sad because I had only been doing it a week when they cut it off. I was sad that paying for college wasn't going to be as "easy" once this job was gone but found myself quite a bit relieved that I didn't have to talk myself into it everyday to do the job. I sat through an argument/discussion with the lady and her daughter and felt very out of place as they argued about whether she should continue with the care she had. I was told by the nurse that tomorrow is probably the woman's last birthday. She will be 84. That was sobering. I think my first thought when I was told I wouldn't be doing this job long term like I had thought was, why did God have me stretch myself and do this if it wasn't actually going to work out? I think I answered my own question in the question itself. I need to stretch myself and trust that God will be walking with me in that choice and also learn to work outside of my comfort zone. Working with the elderly is definitely way out of comfort zone as I have done a little bit of nursing home visits and social work like that and never have felt very brave or comfortable in that environment. I'm not even sure where to wrap up with where I am on this, but I find myself glad I tried it, sad that I don't know that I could have done it for a long time, but also glad God gave me a shot to trust Him and not feel stuck in something I feel as though would be unhealthy for me to do during school. I'm still learning and listening, God. Life is quite messy and never ever has a straight up easy answer. Please keep leading me down paths even if You put up a "road closed" sign a week into it. I'm following.