Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk

I'm pondering what it means to be messy. My life has always been about staying clean and looking neat. Looking like I have it all together. I have good grades, I play sports, I have lots of friends, I have a pretty normal life. But then if you get to know me and know everything else about me, you find it isn't quite that perfect. My close friends know that. The people that take that risk of getting to know me figure out that things aren't perfect. I'm not the perfect homeschooled Christian kid that doesn't cuss and hangs out with the right people. The thing I love though is that my friends toss aside any fear of messy and jump in. Messy is a good thing in this case. Messy means people are getting to know the real me. Not the fake me that tends to take the lead. I didn't used to want that in a friendship. I used to hide my real thoughts and emotions. I didn't realize that hiding all that isn't a good thing. That being real with people is relieving. To have someone to talk to that has been through the same thing is comforting. I've changed. High school has changed me. My first day of freshman year and my last day of senior year will be complete opposites. I can't count the number of people I'm really close to on two hands anymore. Freshman year I don't know that I had one person like that. I've come out a changed person and I hope others experience the same thing in highschool. I don't have to hide behind a fake person anymore. My speed dial is full of people I trust. They would answer day and night if I push their number. Last night I wanted to talk to a friend of mine and ended up staying up way later than I intended to talking to them on the phone on a school night, but I wouldn't give up that conversation for 10 hours of sleep. I cherish the fact that we can tell each other straight up what's going on and don't have to be fake. Fake is gone and I hope it stays gone. This school year has brought new faces into my life and that scared me at first. I was scared of more people that have to figure out that I'm messy. I met one of those newer friends for lunch this week and I loved discussing life with them. They don't care that I'm not perfect. No one is. There is a freedom in Christ and when you find it its exilerating