Learning to Live part 2

In response to a comment left on my last post by Mrs. J.
I would have to say that I feel most alive when when I'm having "real" discussions with my friends, When I'm laughing and enjoying life, when I find God, whether it be in worship or in day to day circumstances. The times when I feel least alive are when life gets monotonous. When it seems like the days blurr together and I couldn't tell you what I did on tuesday as opposed to monday. I couldn't tell you how God had spoken to me in those times because I guess I wasn't really seeking Him. I hate those days and I try to do everything I can to mix things up and get out of that "monotonousness". I want each day to be different and I want each day to be a day that God is showing me something. My dreams on the other hand aren't so clear yet. They come and go like the seasons. One day I want one thing for my life, the next I want something else. Its hard to surrender over something to God when you're not even sure what it is yourself. I'm pretty sure that I want to be a police officer though. So that is one thing I'm just waiting to see how God is going to work in that. Other than that I don't know that I have that many dreams. I don't know that I feel safe to dream. It seems like everytime I dream of something really cool and really big then it gets shut down. So I can't say that I spend a lot of my time dreaming anymore.....